Sweet robes, Obi Wan, too-many days in the sun,
stop preaching homie
teach your flock to covet some fun!
I bring joy every year
man, I represent cheer, you represent sandals
and a scraggly beard.
I'm from North Pole
that's why my rhymes are so cold!
I spit diamonds, but I'm serving up some fresh coal.
You've been a naughty boy
you've brought a plague of frogs.
You best arrrest yourself.
You broke your own law
or was there something in rule six I didn't understand?
My list says killed Egyptian dude, buried him in sand.
I read your book
you got a strick religion. No bacon?
But mandatory circumcision.
I'm jolly bowl a jelly giving holiday presents
but all the chosen people ever get for Christmas is jealous
When I was high upon the mountain
God revealed the truths of the Earth
but he never mentioned a fat ass Papa Smurf.
It takes nine reindeers to haul your fat ass.
You took the Christ outta Christmas
and just added more mass.
You need to stop breaking into houses and creeping
and peeping on naughty kids while they're sleeping.
And keep your hands off my stosking!
Don't you Ho Ho me!
I'll split your ass in half like I did the Red Sea.
You ain't a saint, you're a slaver.
Like a pharaoh in the snow
Stop with the unpaid labor and let my little people go.
We ain't slaves!
All that sand turned your brains to mush!
I think you need to stop smoking all that burning bush.
Yeah, we're magical workers, man!
We hang with the reindeers.
Yo! here's a GPS!
Who gets lost for forty years!?
You're a glorified secretary
so write this down:
Begat deez nut.
Santa Claus is coming to town.
So much drama in the Israe-L B.C
it's kinda hard talking directly to the G O single D.
Hand me my chisel, I got a new commandizzle for y'all:
thou shalt not let children sit on a grown man's lap at the mall.
I'll beat you ten times before the bread can rise you, dummy.
And walk off into the land of my milk and honies.
