Lifetimes lived and died For a moment in the turnaround I was waiting with the car in drive Watched you hurry on across the parking lot The image of your life in your mind fades And I could see an anxious strength in you Brave the borne pain Waiting by front door on your cellphone Summer at the convalescent home "Kill me by surprise," you said "I don't want to stay alive To watch the words go first like hers" Lifetimes lived and died Lifetimes lived and died In the winter on the porch, in the window of the door I watch in the kitchen with your notebook open Frozen in the cold when I come back with wine At the end of every long night Take a moment you need to just breathe Whole days in treatment plants Aphasic patients, apraxia of speech Weeks and months go by like this We function on routines We sleep, we eat, we read We eat, we drink, we sleep We keep her picture on the fridge I keep a rabbit toy for kids You give me strength to fix myself I gave you tokens, toys, and gifts to help you grieve You said, "Kill me by surprise again "I don't want to stay alive To watch the words go first like hers" Winter, we huddled in anger Spring, sadness sinking in Summer, accept all departures Then autumn, start again Winter, we huddled in anger Spring, sadness sinking in Summer, accept all departures Then autumn, start again I drove around for hours For gifts to help you heal Memories we parted once The seasons of our grief Rhodonite for stress relief Promethazine for sleep A rabbit toy for children My deep condolences Rhodonite for stress Promethazine for sleep A rabbit toy for kids My deep condolences Lifetimes lived and died