I'll be honest, I'll be raw, I'll be real as hell Lately I've been thinking fuck it, maybe I should kill myself This is the first time I've ever considered this, but fuck it I can't handle all this pressure, but wait a minute If I take my life and end it, 'cause I seem scared of my feelings Who the fuck is gonna be there for my children? I'm not scared to die, I guess I'm scared to start It feels like I'm far too damaged to repair my heart It down my cheeks, the depression pours I'm in too much pain to open up your empty dresser drawers I'm in too much pain to open up that's what you left me for I guess I felt too much of my own pain, instead of yours My children smell the Brandy on my breath They smell the marijuana stench, I swear it's so intense Is this Hell? Fuck! It has to be, I swear I caught a glimpse The hurt is blacker and it's deeper than the Mariana Trench Japanese whiskey, neat in a crystal glass Knowing I could end this pain with one single pistol blast to the head But I can't heal if I'm dead So maybe I should finally confront my twisted past I've had insomnia for days, I'm exhausted in the days The sun is bright and it's shining but I'm lost inside a maze Like the shining— I've lost my fucking mind, and I do not care if I find it I'm panicking, I'm hiding, man but all this full of love We need dissolve our fucking grudge Before our family gets divided by two lawyers and a judge I'm coughing up my blood I can't handle this experience, stop it, pull the plug I swear I've lost my faith There is toxic waste up in my bloodstream Every single man in the world only wants one thing It's not sex, not beauty, not a piece of mind It's a woman, that's okay if she is weak sometimes I'm losing it, I swear to God I'm back to do some stupid shit So many people out there are hurt and we call them lunatics Because the pain, makes them do something that seems twisted When all they fucking needed was someone to sit and listen, god damn! Yeah I paid my dues, I paid in full Severtized with myself, the blade is cold I carry grief by the ton, it's a weight I pull So many vibrant fucking colors in my faded soul Yeah, to add insult to injury Let me scan myself for some injuries to insult So icy, every inch of me is in salt I see the person in the mirror, like it's his fault I'll be honest, I'll be raw, I'll be real as hell Lately I've been thinking fuck it maybe I should kill myself But nah, if I die I can't live my life, instead I play a beat and write I'll be honest, I'll be raw, I'll be real as hell Lately I've been thinking fuck it maybe I should kill my— Nah nah, not that, not that, something that is— okay how about this? I'll be honest, I'll be raw, I'll be real as hell Lately I've been thinking fuck it maybe I should get some help Yeah, yeah, yeah, therapy I'd say, yeah, that's better