Arthur: Old woman!
Dennis: MAN!
Arthur: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle 
over there?
Dennis: I'm 37.
Arthur: What?
Dennis: I'm 37, I'm not old!
Arthur: Well, I can't just call you "man".
Dennis: You could say "Dennis".
Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis.
Dennis: Well you didn't bother to find out, did you?
Arthur: I did say I'm sorry about the "old woman" 
thing, but from behind you looked...
Dennis: What I object to is you automatically treatin' 
me like an inferior.
Arthur: Well, I am king.
Dennis: Oh, king, eh? Very nice. And how'd you get 
that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to 
outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the 
economic and social differences in our society! If 
there's ever going to be any progress...
Dennis' Mother: Dennis, Dennis, there's some lovely 
filth down here! [sees Arthur] Oh. How'd you do?
Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, king of 
the Britons. Whose castle is that?
Dennis' Mother: King of the who?
Arthur: The Britons.
Dennis' Mother: Who are the Britons?
Arthur: Well, we are. You are all Britons and I am your 
king.
Dennis' Mother: I didn't know we had a king. I thought 
we were an autonomous collective.
Dennis: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a 
dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy in which 
the working classes...
Dennis' Mother: Oh there you go, bringing class into it 
again!
Dennis: But that's what it's all about! If only people 
would realise...
Arthur: Please, please, good people. I am in haste. Who 
lives in that castle?
Dennis' Mother: No one lives there.
Arthur: Then who is your lord?
Dennis' Mother: We don't have a lord.
Arthur: What?!
Dennis: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist 
commune. We take it in turns to act as sort-of-
executive officer for the week...
Arthur: Yes.
Dennis: ... But all the decisions of that officer have 
to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting...
Arthur: Yes, I see.
Dennis:... by a simple majority, in the case of purely 
internal affairs...
Arthur: [getting bored] Be quiet.
Dennis:... but by a two thirds majority, in the case of 
more major -
Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Dennis' Mother: Order, eh? Who does he think he is?
Arthur: I am your king!
Dennis' Mother: Well I didn't vote for you.
Arthur: You don't vote for kings!
Dennis' Mother: How'd you become king, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake,... [Angel chorus begins 
singing in background] her arm clad in the purest 
shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom 
of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, 
Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [Angel chorus ends] 
THAT is why I am your king!
Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds 
distributing swords is no basis for a system of 
government. Supreme executive power derives from a 
mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic 
ceremony.
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: You can't expect to wield supreme executive 
power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at 
you!
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an 
emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a 
scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
Arthur: Shut up! Will you shut up?! [Grabs Dennis and 
shakes him]
Dennis: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the 
system!
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the 
system! HELP, HELP, I'M BEING REPRESSED!
Arthur: BLOODY PEASANT!!
Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway. Did you hear that? Did you 
hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see 
him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?