I know it’s near the knuckle But I can tell when I see a real man When it comes to reality I’ve only just began You’ve got a grasp of the real situation I just blunder about in a close approximation You know a lot of people You're always drinking with your friends You know a lot of people When you’ve got a lot to send I’m not a real woman, I don’t nod my head And patiently wait for your favours in bed I don’t wear lace panties, at waist away prices Or bondage and scanties at masochist dances I’m not a real woman, I don’t waggle my hips Or flapple my eye lids or shapple my lips And I’m not a lemon, so please don’t squeeze my pips Im not a real woman, I don’t aim to please Or twinkle my knickers or garter my knees The nails on my fingers are tattered and torn I have had dirty hands since the day I was born I’m not a real woman, I don’t nod my head And patiently wait for your favours in bed And I'm not a lemon, so squeeze your own instead I’m generous I’m mean I’m a law onto myself And I just laugh at everything you say Don’t be surprised If I don’t look into your eyes My eyes are on a million miles away I’m not a real woman, I won’t cook your food I’m not on page 3 drinking gin in the nude I’m bored by your laundry, bored by your jokes Why don’t you save them to tell other blokes I don’t need no favours, I don’t need no please I don’t need no bozo to tickle my knees And I’m no lamb chop, so don’t you fork my peas I’m generous I’m mean I’m a law onto myself And I just laugh at everything you say Don’t be surprised If I don’t look into your eyes My eyes are on a million miles away I’m not a real woman, I don’t look divine I only like children some of the time And just like a man must be well hung To be a real woman, you have to be young Hey, your not so macho by the look of that bunch You can save your bananas to eat with your lunch Im not a real woman, I won’t cook your food And I only want sex when I'm in the mood I’m generous I’m mean I’m a law onto myself And I just laugh at everything you say Don’t be surprised If I don’t look into your eyes My eyes are on a million miles away Im not a real woman I won’t cook your food And I only want sex When I'm in the mood