The day we baptized ol Stumpy Brown The river was so full and fast the poor man nearly drowned We'd never had a baptismal service of that kind That day ol Stumpy left much more than his old life behind Now Stumpy Brown was a veteran of many a foreign war He lived a rowdy life, never gave his heart to God before But when he reached his 90s, that old heart grew tender And one stormy Sunday morning he came forward and surrendered Now the preacher said we'll baptize you next Sunday in the river But Stumpy said as old as I am Rev, it's gotta be now or never Now the river was a torrent and the Preacher said think about this again But Stumpy grabbed him by the hand, said come on Rev, we're goin' in The day we baptized ol Stumpy Brown The river was so full and fast the poor man nearly drowned We'd never had a baptismal service of that kind That day ol Stumpy left much more than his old life behind Well, the preacher plunged him 'neath the flood and a brand new man arose But ol Stumpy left more than his old man in that river heaven knows He left his uppers and his lowers, his checkbook, credit cards Yeah, a wad of bills, arthritis pills and the keys to both his cars Glasses, toupee, but the thing I most recall Is waving back to his artificial arms that went over the falls Well, he paddled from the river and knelt there on the bank We thought it was to praise the Lord and to stop and offer thanks Then he finally yelled come help me, are ya gonna make me beg Oh can't you see I can't get up, I've lost my wooden leg The day we baptized ol Stumpy Brown Yeah, the river was so full and fast the poor man nearly drowned We'd never seen a baptismal service of that kind That day ol Stumpy left much more than his old life behind