A gambler walked into a bar With an octopus in a great big jar Set it down and said to the bartender "tell you what" "I'll bet you a couple of beers against two free hours of work around here My friend can play any instrument you got" Well the day was slow and the business light And wouldn't pick up til later that night So the bartender scratched his head and said "why not" So he walked up on that dark bandstand Came back with a Flugelhorn in his hand Put it down and said "OK play me something hot" Then all of a sudden that jar began to shake And the Octopus came slithering out like a great big wad of snakes He grabbed that horn and rolled around First on the bar then on the ground And the bartender said "you lose" in a laughing voice The gambler said "no, he's just confused It's those three valves he's seldom used You see, a bugle is his instrument of choice" Well the octopus and the gambler drank their beers Then octopus crawled back in the jar with a burp everyone could hear The bartender said "now don't go away I've got something that he can't play" Then he left for a minute and came back with a saxophone The gambler said "double down this time" And four more beers were set in a line And the octopus crawled out and two beers were quickly gone The patrons in the bar all gathered 'round To see if that saxophone would emit a sound Then he grabbed that sax and rolled around First on the bar then on the ground Till the bartender said "now do you wanna concede?" The gambler said "he's just feelin' it out And before he puts that thing in his mouth He needs a minute or two to moisten up his reed" The octopus crawled back inthe jar and the gambler drank his beers The bartender all frustrated said "now wait a minute here! I'll bet you the deed to this whole bar That slimely critter in that jar Can't play an instrument that I've got in the back And if you lose the both of you Will work for me doin' what I choose for the next six months Now what do you say to that?" And the gambler said "well buddy you're on Just bring out your sackbut or xylophone" And the bartender said "oh it's nothin' quite that trite" And he went in the back and soon emerged With the awful-est sound you ever heard And laid down Great Highland Scottish bagpipes Now the octopus must have thought those bagpipes glamorous Because he caressed them in manner clearly amorous Then they began to roll around First on the bar then on the ground Till the bartender said "I've got him this time, it's true" The gambler said "oh he'll settle down And play it when he stops foolin' around And figures out that playin' it is ALL he's gonna do" The gambler and the octopus they were the best I swear There was no other like them anywhere The gambler and the octopus they were a winning pair A straight royal flush could not compare Well it wasn't a fair bet cause the gambler cheated Yeah the Octopus was a graduate of Julliard And a member of the American Federation of Musicians He was also President of the Charlie McCoy Fan Club Now you can hear him every night playing in the Gamblers Bar down on Lower Broad Hey bartender Eight more beers for my little buddy If you please