Well, ol' Virgil always was a clown Dumbest man in our hometown But somehow, he got hired out at the NASA base And then one day, against all the rules While cleanin' up a space capsule He closed the hatch and started playing Man in Space He put a spacesuit on and sat right down Started flippin' switches and messin' around A siren started blastin' and a green light was flashin' "ready" Yeah, hoses were snappin' and gas was going "whoosh" Virgil just had to give that button a push And son of a gun, he was gone like Richard Petty Oh, mama Hello, Houston, we got a problem Get Gladys on the phone Somebody tell her where I'm at How long I'll be gone Yeah, remind her she needs to feed my dogs Milk the cow and slop them hogs Hello, Houston, we got a problem How y'all gonna get me back home? Huh? Well, we saw it right there on TV My wife, my kids, the dog and me On a broadcast from outer space on the evening news Oh, Virgil wasn't havin' any fun He'd run down the batteries on his Star Wars gun And he was turning green in various shades and hues He said, "Boys, you better get me down quick 'Cause I'm afraid I'm gonna be sick I don't, I don't think I can take much more of this Lord, all I do is just float around Half the time I think I'm upside down, you know I need to throw up but I don't know where up is" Hello, Redneck One, Redneck One, this is mission control Stand by, Virgil, we're about to execute your re-entry Execute me? Lord, have mercy Couldn't, couldn't you just dock me a couple of days' pay? Whoa, here we go again Hello, Houston, we got a problem I think we got a flat tire Yeah, I just looked out that little round window And the whole capsule's afire Everything's a-shakin' and a-burnin' hot If you're gonna execute me, I'd just as soon be shot Hello, Houston, we got a problem I'm droppin' like a fallin' star Well, give NASA credit, they got him back And of course, he was immediately sacked And we were all amazed at the fame Virgil's ride had brought But ol' Virgil knew just how to work it 'Cause the next thing you know, he's on the talk show circuit Billin' himself as "The Redneck Astronaut" Hello, Oprah, we got a problem Montel's on the other phone Yeah, he wants to book me too And so does 20/20 and Jenny Jones Now I'm sure that we can work it out in time Just have your people talk to mine Hello, Oprah, gotta go now 60 Minutes is on the phone Hey, 60 Minutes, yeah Aw, I'd love to But you know, I gotta have that first segment And, yeah, and Mike Wallace has gotta host it Uh-huh, oh, well, okay, fine then, we'll give it to Dateline Eh, uh, what's that? Oh, well, that's more like it Yeah, well, I kinda, I kinda thought you'd see it my way I mean, after all, it does make sense, don't it? Spacesuit? Yeah, I got a spacesuit Well, you know, it's, it's not a real spacesuit But I mean, you can't tell the difference from three feet away Glad-Gladys made it for me Yeah, she, yeah, she's got one of them sewin' machines that, that does all that fancy stuff Oh yeah