Gotta step in the bathroom super fast
To check her current Facebook dating status
To see if this is a confusing friend-zone thing
I don't wanna pay if it's a friend-zone thing
But I totally will if it's a makeout thing!
Might make me seem like a jerk, but whatever
This quick trip to the bathroom
Is the best idea ever!
Wait, it seems kinda weird to just be on my phone
I should probably just fake that I'm using a toilet
Should I fake a number one or a number two?
I'll fake a number one so I won't drop my pants
And I'm kind of embrassed about my Spongebob undies
On my phone, fake peeing - "Holy shit I'm clever!"
This quick trip to the bathroom
Is the best idea ever!
Oh crap, now that I'm at a urinal I actually have to pee
Do I aim at the back wall or at the urinal cake?
Great, now I'm kinda hungry for some cake
And why is there always a random piece of gum in the bowl
And where did that stray pubic hair come from?
Seriously, every time I use an urinal there's one in there
Like, do people start losing their hair down there?
Or did it get caught in someone's zipper and come out?
Or did it... Wait, why am I think of love? That's gross
I got pee blowback on my pants! They're ruined forever
This quick trip to the bathroom
Might not be the best idea ever.
Out of nowhere, my foot gets taped
Maybe it's an accident and no big deal
Gotta look over and see who did it
Whatever I do, don't look at his junk
Oh crap, I looked and he's not into it
Dammit, I looked it again and he's even more not into it
I might've just got a boyfriend who will love me forever
This quick trip to the bathroom
Is becoming the worst idea ever
Gotta get away from Creepy Urinal guy
The guy next to me gruts like he's giving a birth
A play a game on my phone to drown out the noise
Oh man, I forgot Flappy Bird doesn't have music
It smells like Shrek's dick in here I need to flee
Gotta wash my hands so the don't smell like pee
What the hell? "Employees must wash hands?"
I guess I have to wait for an employee to wash my hands
Ehm... Hello? I guess I need an em-employee
Are there any employees?
Seriosly, man, making noise won't help
I'm gonna leave a bad review on Yelp
Just then my date ruins to the urinal
Lifts up her skirt and starts peeing like a man!
I guess my date is a dude - I'm not all that clever
This quick trip to the bathroom
Was the worst idea ever
Then Creepy Urinal guy confronts my date
"I totally knew you were cheating on me!"
So I guess the Creepy guy is her boyfriend
I'm super confused and it's only getting worse
Then someone wholooks exactly like my date walks in
"That's my brother, my identical twin!"
All this crazy shit is making my head spin
So I pull out my gun and point at them
"I don't know which one of you I have to shoot!"
"You don't have to shoot either of us!"
"Yeah, I guess you're great... but..."
"Now I you're totally single."
"The three of us should get naked and mingle."
I had the twins pay the check - I told you I was clever
This quick trip to the bathroom
Was the best idea ever!
