Dear Santa, I can explain I didn't mean to leave this year in flames I didn't get the memo about being good The post is really sketchy in my neighbourhood Dear Santa, I swear I really tried I made as many resolutions as I could contrive Dear Santa, please sleigh by I can explain It's true, I murdered a song on New Year's Day After my seventh glass of champagne Put on my gym shoes and ran out the door Then ran straight back in and watched my kitten snore Forsook my Ruby Woo on Valentine's Day Envied the height of someone else's soufflé I stole the limelight most of the time But listen, Santa, is that really a crime? Dear Santa, I can explain I'm almost certain I was cruelly framed I had the best intentions, and ambitious goals And isn't that what matters? Please don't bring me coal Dear Santa, I swear I really tried My plan was to become my best self, as the books describe Dear Santa, please sleigh by I can explain I may have been a glutton, that's so hard to define! The truth is three-course suppers go so well with wine Lied 'bout my dress size, hoping to self-deceive Then bought it, wore it, and found I couldn't breathe Pined after someone else's gay best friend And never left the party till the bitter end I praised myself with gusto, at least three times a day But Santa, how could I not? There is just so much to say! Dear Santa, I can explain I'm more than willing to accept the blame When it comes to presents and general bribes I'm sure we could reach a helpful compromise Dear Santa, I'm really gonna try And in exchange you'll bring me everything my heart desires Dear Santa, please sleigh by I can explain Dear Santa, please sleigh by I can explain Dear Santa, please sleigh by I can explain Dear Santa, please sleigh by I can explain