SCOD Everyone's a tosser Everyone's a fool Don't ever feel like you don't fit 'Cause Gatesy, everyone's a tool YON The louder that you say you're not The more that it's the case SCOD AND YON Just like everybody else... SCOD ... you're a real knob-face GATESY (Spoken) I'm a knob-face! SCOD Take our little Yonny He's a total mong YON If you think that I look interesting I'm sorry, you'd be wrong GATESY What about old Scoddy? YON You could write a book on him! SCOD You could call it "Knobby the Knobstickle" GATESY "And His Knobtastic Voyage"! Everybody's a tosser Everyone's a schmo From Robert Louis Stevenson ALL To Edgar Allen Poe We're all bloody cockpanks! The experts all agree SCOD The experts, they're all tossers too GATESY Just like you and me ALL (To audience member) Madam, you're a knob-end It's there for all to see YON Don't try to deny it Do you think you're better than me? ALL The louder that you say you're not The louder that you are GATESY You're a bonehead! YON You're a franger! SCOD You're a spazmo! GATESY You're a shwanger! ALL You're a tosser! It's a fact you can't ignore GATESY 'Cause everyone's a tosser! YON AND SCOD (To Gatesy) But you, slightly more