Lai-lai lai lai lai lai lai lai, 
Lai lai-lai lai, 
Lai lai-lai lai! 
Lai-lai lai lai lai lai lai lai, 
Lai lai-lai lai, 
Lai lai-lai lai! 

There's a girl 
We see each other every day 
But I, I'm too shy 
And I can't even bring myself to say 
"Hello, how are you today? 
Lovely weather, by the way, 
If I was with you, I'd be happy to pay!" 

Oh, for dinner, not... oh, f**k! 

She's so cute 
She's got a little button head 
And I try to be cool 
But then I just trip over and nearly spew 
I just can't find a way to 
Let her know that I'll be true 
So I know what I must do... 

I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod 
That's how I'm gonna win her hand 
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod 
And I'm a thirty-eight-year-old man 

And when I've won the Rock Eisteddfod 
She won't leave me on the shelf 
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod 
Win the Rock Eisteddfod by myself 
With no-one else 
On stage by myself 

My thematic concept 
Will be a post-apocalyptic nightmare 
Made of cardboard boxes, 
And foil taped to my stack hat 
She'll be impressed! 
And my costume will be the best 
When the curtain rises, I'll be dressed 
In fluoro bike shorts and a fur vest 

I can see it now 
We'll be the toast of Highpoint 
She'll fall in love 
With my mix of funky dance moves 
And school spirit 
And she'll finally let me near it 
I'm a master of my art 
That's the way I'll win her heart... 
... For my school! 

I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod 
That's how I'm gonna win her hand 
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod 
And I'm a thirty-eight-year-old man 
When I've won the Rock Eisteddfod 
She won't leave me on the shelf 
I'm gonna win the Rock Eisteddfod 
Win the Rock Eisteddfod by myself 

And as for music, I'll only choose it 
If it's got a serious environmental message 
I'll start with "Hungry Like the Wolf" 
And then, "It's Raining Men" 

I hope it works 
I hope she falls in love with me 
My backup plan 
Will leave these rookie amateurs behind 
And I'll really blow her mind 
And I'll build my Jazz Ballet rep 
I'll go the logical next step... 

I'm gonna win the Eurovision 
Be a star and make her see 
Singing in a foreign language 
Maybe then she'll understand me 

And when I've won the Eurovision 
She won't leave me on the shelf 
I'm gonna win the Eurovision 
Then I finally won't be by myself 
In row boats by myself 
On see-saws by myself 
Eating two ice-creams by myself