You know recently there's been a lot of people talking about heaven and hell So I decided to join the conversation by writing this song This one's called "Handbasket" I been drinking all day and was looking for love I got a call from a girl in the apartment above She told me to come up and I was happy as hell I couldn't walk so well so I stumbled and fell A ten story fall down a fire escape I didn't wanna die yet but it was too late Halfway down I saw a flashing light A dude with a beard came into my sight He said "my name is God and I been watching you sin I'm up here in heaven, do you wanna get in? Apologize before you land If you don't then you'll be damned" I'll send you to hell In a handbasket Where you'll burn just like your body will You're too flat for the damn casket So I apologized And when I hit the ground I felt no pain whatsoever, I just ended up in this clear glass elevator and shot straight upward Past the clouds, past more clouds It took a long time but eventually I saw the pearly gates of heaven And when I got to the pearly gates I noticed that they were very fancy There's red velvet ropes everywhere. It was very, how do you say... prestigious And sure enough I was on the VIP list So I decided to walk on in On the first day in heaven it was kinda cool I learned to play harp and sat by the pool Second day I felt safe and sound Just eating grapes and floating around And there were clouds everywhere and they were kinda soft But the novelty of sitting on 'em soon wore off I had a couch on Earth and it was soft to touch Sat on that motherfucker way too much So by the third day in heaven I was ready to drink My tolerance level was starting to shrink So for the next four days I searched near and far Not one liquor store, not a single bar So when the first week in heaven was over I hadn't had sex and I was totally sober And that's when it occurred to me I can't do this for eternity So why I went to God's office and I knocked on his door Told him "I don't wanna be up here in heaven anymore" Told him "I appreciate you having me as a guest But I just got one little request" I said Send me to hell In a handbasket 'Cause if this right here is heaven Hell sounds fantastic So God went in the back and did some paperwork And sure enough my request was approved - my request to go straight to hell So after that I got in the uh, the same clear glass elevator and went down Started going down past the clouds, past the clouds, past more clouds, past the ground, going down, down, down, down, down It seemed like it took forever, man It was way down there, but eventually, I got to the gates of hell The gates of hell, they weren't all Hollywood like the pearly gates It was just like a red door on a brick wall, it looked like somewhere I would hang out on Earth Like a dive bar or somewhere, you know? So I went in On the first day in hell I didn't like it a lot It was really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, fucking hot On the second day I was less concerned And by the third day I was used to the burn And on the fourth day I started walking around Realized it was a hell of a town I saw liquor stores, strip clubs, bars, saloons And all my favorite musicians playing tunes I saw Eazy-E Odie B Mozart smoking PCP I got a shot of whiskey and they said it was free A little cocktail waitress came up to me, she said "Do you want some morphine I'm headed to an orgy I want you to escort me" I said "sure please" It's New Orleans on crack Heaven I ain't never coming back I'm a sinner with the liver of a Jack Kerouac Saw the devil drive by in a black Cadillac Biggie sitting next to him in the red and black lumberjack hat God damn Feeling so grand, got another shot of whiskey And I lifted up my hand, I said "hey it's the new guy" I wanna pose a toast To the devil, not the Father, Son or Holy Ghost I'm about to spend infinity years comatose Push it to the limit, it's impossible to overdose I don't see the need to be forgiven I'm at peace being a heathen in hedonism I don't need the key to living I'm already dead So I drank and said "I love it here in hell" And what the fuck is a handbasket? Is it like a picnic basket? It's a weird vehicle to use to go to hell in, wouldn't you say? Do we all have our own handbasket or is there like a ski lift going back and forth, from hell to Earth in handbaskets taking people down? I have no fucking idea It's a really strange concept And I just can't grasp it